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I am not a model Christian.

 

I always wanted to maintain a blog and now I am doing it. However, I don’t think people who start blogs are perfect or experts. I mean, one can take and share photographs and have a beautiful writing style or create beautiful children that can quote Shakespeare at 8. But no – they’re not perfect either. Pictures, writing and even cute babies are the byproduct of a successful personal blog and that’s what this can be…but now it’s still a baby blog that needs a lot of love and nurturing.

When I wanted to start a blog and talk a little bit about the Orthodox faith, I wasn’t a lone wolf. There’s a lot of resources out there – and some better than this humble recipe blog. I felt intimidated because I know I am not in the position to expertly discuss the faith. I don’t have a theological degree, for one. And I didn’t feel like I was like the others.

I don’t go to every service – especially during Lent no matter but I make the effort to try each year. I have an iPhone and use it for everything. I have a penchant for cute shoes and understand fashion and style without being trendy or ridiculous. I practice yoga and pilates because prostrations are not enough. I vote, but avoid political confrontation.  I listen to upbeat music during Lent on my workouts.  I laugh, I cry, I support and love the arts past church iconography. I sometimes give my fiance a tight squeeze when I reach for his hand in church after hearing a powerful sermon. I have a Facebook and Instagram addiction.  I am not incredibly ashamed to admit any of this.

I am an twenty-first century woman born and baptized in an beautiful, raw, ancient, unchanged faith that rejects most forms of postmodernism. I was also baptized and made and in the image of God and that’s why every year, I feel guilty. I know I could be doing better. Every year in the Orthodox faith breeds a new liturgical year though the feasts (both major and minor) and fasting periods are the same. And every year breeds new challenges with Lent being the most challenging at all. In my mind, the model Christian should be totally obedient to endure a flawless fast that Pascha becomes pure joy. For me, it’s a reminder of how easy it is I keep falling and getting back up again before I fall again…and get back up again.. and wonder why am I doing this where suddenly Pascha becomes a beautiful, but exhausting midnight service and have went to other churches to experience Pascha on other nights not even just to experience it but to see if I can avoid going to church at midnight because it is a lengthy service and don’t like staying up late where my mind just skips out from the exhaustion and I feel like I am cheating myself if my mind is not present in the service.

Yesterday was our first Soul Saturday service which traditionally is a solemn service that commemorates the dead. In the Greek, Romanian and Russian traditions, koliva is offered which is an ethnic dish consisting of wheatberries and raisins among others dusted with powdered sugar and decorated using Jordan almonds or almonds with a loved one’s initials.

groceries

In my mind, I am sure the model Christian woman would have had this prepared in advance and arrive to church on time for every Soul Saturday. In reality, I was strolling the aisles of Wegmen’s the day of the first Soul Saturday searching for wheatberries and trying to contemplate where I can find Jordan almonds among other things that evening. I missed Vespers on that account. Sorry, Father. I didn’t make it to Soul Saturday either because I work most Saturdays. I am a licensed massage therapist and weekends are our prime source of income on weekends – but I won’t work Sundays for the Sabbath if I can help it. I love what I do and am grateful to God that I am fortunate to say that.

So, if you’re looking for another Orthodox resource blog run by the model Christian blog, I am not her and I am not sure what I could recommend you. I am not perfect, a model nor do I try to be legalistic. I do not  feel I am better just because I have a blog. I have a hobby, an enthusiasm and joy for the written word and want to help others who can relate. I am a sister of mankind in Christ. I am an imperfect human blogging about her journey to become a little better than who she was yesterday and by sharing my hobby and enthusiasm for my tried and true healthy recipes to help you with each fasting periods for yourself, you and your significant other and/or for your family.  All we can do is try and I am praying for all of you that you each have a healthy and fruitful fast.

 

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